Accepting Reality

pages 120-153

Summary
           In this part of the story David is trying to accept his life and who he is. He is facing identity problems because of the abuse he went through with his mother and he is willing to do anything for others to accept him. David knows that his mother doesn't love him for who he is and he feels that he never deserved her love or warmth. He always tries to think that it is going to get better and that one day he will be able to live with his father. For example one day his foster mother,Lilian, lets him know that his father is going to pick him up at 7 am and he stays waiting for him in the living for hours. Although he knows that his father stood him up he won't accept that it's not going  to be different this time. He hoped that his dad was just late but he never came just like all the other times.
            David also tries to get in contact with his mother but he just ends up getting in trouble. One of the situations when he rode his bike near his bike with his foster brother, Big Larry, even though he is not allowed to go near his mother or brother. As a result his mother calls Lilian during the afternoon "ranting and raving "   ( Pelzer 140) about David and how Lilian can't control him. She warns Lilian that she is going to take care of finding someone that can manage David if she can't however David didn't understand how big the problem was. At this level David's foster parents start to realize that he has a problem, but David doesn't want to admit it. He is trying to cover up all the conflict in his life even if it makes him hurt more inside.

Quote

         "I just could not accept the realities of my life. How in God's name did I let it come to this? I asked myself. I knew, as I stood staring out the living room window, that I would another day hiding in the only place I felt safe and warm-the covers of my bed."  (Pelzer 147)

Reactions
                   
             Dave Pelzer really  lets the reader into his mind and feelings that he felt after moving to his foster home. He reveals that he did face a problem while trying to live a new life without his mother. In this part of the story I read that there were times where he just locked himself up in the room and he hid his feelings. He didn't feel welcome in society which is one of the conflicts his faces. As I read more and more I am starting to realize that this is a bildungsroman where the character leaves his home and faces a conflict. David still had not reached the final step of being accepted into society or even accepting his reality. The quote above basically shows what David is facing in this part of the story. It explains that David reached a point where he was just tired of people thinking that he needed help ,being humiliated by others including his foster brother Larry Jr.so he wants to believe that everything is his fault. I wonder how he was able to cope with feeling insecure and the need of having to hide what you feel because your scared of what others will think of you.